Tomorrow is a different day
Life of a right sided microtia boy.
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He put a ring on it. Not mine.
So a few weeks ago, the ex messaged me on manjam. With different pics but with the same vital stats, saying : musta na chris?
I ignored it and went on with my life. Then a few days ago, I was totally bored and looked up his username on the same site. It was gone. So I went to pr and searched his username which i blocked and he deleted earlier in the year.
It was alive.
The header: White 5’10 Bisexual Married
Wow. One whole year I’ve been creepily being messaged and him wanting to come back.
I was shocked, went outside, downstairs without a jacket on and called marga as I lit my cigarette. After the talk, I didn’t know if it was just the lack of stimulus since I am not in the Philippines or that I’ve accepted that it’s impossible to be back with him but I think it put a lid on every warm memory.
Sometimes when bits and pieces of memories occur, I get pissed and dissapointed at myself. Like shopping for pearls or the boss’s wife who wanted to fake burberry purse, or that joke I made about buying pearls for his daughter which he responded on by saying “She’s too young to wear pearls, still.”. It didn’t feel like a joke to me.
My clairvoyant family friends have always asked me if he was really gay or does he have a wife and a kid. It’s a one, big screaming I told you so that I always knew would come but didn’t know what form it’ll show.
Was one hell of a ride. All I know is back then, it was hard for me to forget aboutt he whole thing. Right now, I’m automatically shedding off or maybe repressing memories. I just get bits of memories that prove that he was lying to my face, and especially the stuff we bought for the boss’s wife. Everything was a lie.
Turns out, I was the only one honest after all.
I feel muted, I feel like I poured resin on my hypothalamus and wrapped it with cling wrap. Normally, I’d be wishing for a boyfriend or something. Right now, I just want to do something different, like get a job, work out and get that fuckin career.
Maybe I’m numbed out, in terms of romantic feelings, maybe it’s just repression? I just know that I can’t get in touch with the other part of my one whole right now.
Good riddance, though.
- notesurl
23, Fashion Merchandising student